Saturday, January 25, 2014

How can you change your marriage?

I have some thoughts I'd like to share today.  I will need to tag some of my thoughts with scripture and where they are found in the Bible later in an updated post.  I don't want to say anything that is from personal opinion but want to bodly speak the word of God.

Sometimes in marriage there are hiccups. And sometimes in marriage there are rough spots and difficult times.  There are days when you sit and day dream of this romantic masculine body builder who comes to sweep you away to eternal bliss.  A man who can fix all your problems and calm your every emotion.  But then reality sets in and you realize that he can't do any of these things, in fact he is just plain the opposite of how wonderful you expected him to be. Even though he is still the same man you fell in love with when you first met and married.  Even though he was the one you determined to commit your whole life to, for BETTER or for WORSE, right?
But our husbands are not perfect, nor are they God, they are simply not capable of being God.  Most often marriages crumble because they're not centered on the one thing that can keep them together, God.  We begin to pick and nit pick about everything that our husband is not.  We begin to wish for greener grass on the other side, we begin to find all HIS fault and failures and start to look at everything we don't like about him. Then we decide that because of difficulty that we should just give up?
 This is dangerous ground for a marriage, in fact it is the course set for a "D".  I hate saying that word because it is the end of all things set in holiness by God.  The result is pain and a lifetime of regret when we turn our eyes off the CENTER of our marriage, who is God.  When we turn away from picking apart our husband and all his difficulties and start praying for him, we begin to see him the way God sees him.  If your husband is putting God at the center of your marriage, too, then you have to trust that God is working on him and helping him to overcome his difficulties.  It is the Holy Spirit's job to aide him in his issues.  It is NOT our job to FIX him.  Reminder: We are not the Holy Spirit, remember?
What would we do if we only knew his thoughts of all the things he'd like to change about us?  I'm sure my husband would have some things that might get me a little upset about if I only knew his real thoughts!
Trusting God to keep a marriage strong takes lots of work and so much prayer.  We can't allow the devil to affect our thoughts with this horrible pattern, which only leads to bitterness, distrust and ultimate betrayal of the marriage union.

I spoke to someone this week who talked about how they had never shared how their marriage was rocky at one time.  How they had lost their first love for their husband and they wanted a way out.  But after much prayer, God revealed to them that HE could restore that first love in only a way she could never describe.  And the lady shared that after time God had restored a love like never before for her husband.  Despite all the difficulties, all the personality differences.  She said, he loved her through all her moods and had realized that he loved her in a way only Christ could.  She realized, after all her prayers, that God was changing HER and her attitude towards her husband.
What is it about the head of our house that we try to run over so many times, ladies?  Is it the women's movement that began an "I'm smarter than you, so move over" type mentality?  I think we know another woman who thought she knew everything, and look where it got her?  Away from God's presence and into the wilderness of pain and regret. (Eve)
God has set the man as the head of our homes and our children.  Why? Because he wanted us to know that he pattered family after how we should respect God and his authority.  So that our children will come to respect their heavenly father in a way shown by their parents, man and woman.  The family order is all messed up today in this world of pain and unforgiveness.  This is mostly the reason that children today have no security, no trust and no knowledge of their creator to feeling of a reason for living. They grow up afraid to commit to anyone or decide that marriage is meant for breaking when things get tough. They begin to see God as someone to run away from when life becomes painful, instead of turning to him for answers.
We have failed as a generation by becoming like the Israelites in the bible who stopped trusting God.  Instead they sought the easy way out of difficult times and ended up wandering for 40 years in wilderness and never saw the promised land, even after seeing the miracles, first hand! We have sought pleasure over godliness and unforgiveness and selfishness over the sanctity of a holy marriage union.  We have given the world a reason to seek love in ways God never meant for us to seek. To seek a sexual love instead of a Godly love. back to where I was going with this:
So what is my responsibility of a christian wife?  Not to cower down in thoughts of unimportance or feelings of less dignity. No, to stand tall, beside your husband and change how you think about him.  This takes more courage to let God change you into who he wants you to be as a wife.  Change how you pray for him, and most of all change your heart, to a heart of love in a way only God can show.  Ask God to restore your marriage.  Don't you know God's job is full of power to make the darkness flee.  His authority is set in motion when we pray.  His life giving hand is stretched toward our marriage and he can give all things new life, IF we only ask.

Here is the conclusion of so many doubts during our marriage that the Lord gave me today.  I don't want any idols in my mind of what I want my husband to become like, because who God gave me is all I ever need. Nothing more and nothing less.  I just need to work on being that dream wife that my husband needs so desperately, a woman after God's own heart. This is something I plan on doing for the rest of my husband's life, because life is too short to expect any more than God has expected of me. So here's the answer to this question, "How can you change your marriage?"

 By Treating your husband like he's ALL you've ever wanted will result in a husband who will BECOME all you ever need.

We need to pray something like this, " God, I need you to change me. Restore my trust in you and stand firm in knowing  that you know what you're doing.  Help me to change how I think toward my husband. Help him to be all you want him to be and in return I know he will become all I ever need.  Help me support him and stand beside him to be his help meet. Thank you for your provision in our marriage and help us to grow closer to you and seek you for all things. For we know, as a result, you will restore all things and heal our wounds. You will bring life to things that have died and will restore a life full in holy union, as only you can do. Help our children see an example in us that will help them to know who YOU are, God.  Help us to be an example of your love to the world until you return for your church and your people. Amen.
Please feel free to write your thoughts here, I'd love to read them!
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